PEACE THROUGH FORGIVENESS, LOVE

In the first book that Dr. Luskin published FORGIVE FOR GOOD he advocated the distinction that “forgiving” doesn't mean “forgetting”. Thoroughly confident in his findings, Dr. Fred Luskin promoted the fact that practicing forgiveness leads to better health and happiness, but does not mean condoning bad behavior. What it means is that one should consider a hurt less personally, to take responsibility for how one feels. In the process one even can become a hero instead of a victim in the event Luskin, a practicing psychologist and co-founder of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, shows why the very act of forgiveness is vital in promoting mental and physical health.

The groundbreaking first book by Dr. Luskin from T he frontiers of psychology FORGIVE FOR GOOD offers startling new research about the one missing factor that is vital to Relationships—forgiveness. A national bestselling author and leading expert on forgiveness, Dr. Fred Luskin shows that no matter how much two people may love each other, their relationship will not Succeed unless they practice forgiveness—an approach that most relationship experts continue to ignore. Why is forgiveness an essential tool for relationships? Studies reveal that 70 percent for what we argue about at the beginning of our relationships will never be fully resolved. In other words, our basic needs and behaviors don't change over time. The issues are endless: the socks that always end up on the floor how often to have sex, the ESPN obsession, working hours, and, of course, friends and family. Without forgiveness, these issues, however big or small, too easily turn into relationship-eroding grudges. In his second book, Forgive for Love he shows the solution for your relationship woes by providing the tools you need to find and hold onto the love of your life. The doctor fashions a proven seven-step program for creating and maintaining loving and lasting relationships, teaching easy-to-learn forgiveness skills that will not only resolve immediate conflicts but improve the overall happiness and longevity of a relationships. Simply put: people in healthy relationships figure out how to forgive their partners for being themselves. They do so because it is nearly impossible to change other people and because none of us are perfect. Forgiveness is the key, Pursuing this line of study, Dr. Luskin later teamed up with Dr. Carl Thoresen at Stanford University and designed The Study of Forgiveness with Victims and Offenders This work studies five modes of forgiveness training. The study evaluates gender differences in attitudes and willingness with the objective of making forgiveness possible for men and women. According to the findings of these duo of doctors, from a decade-old grudge against the third-grade bully to deep-seated rage against a cheating spouse, it appears that millions of Americans do harbor long-term grievances and this act affects their overall health. Dr. Carl Thoresen and Dr. Fred Luskin, are now exploring whether the unresolved anger that blights many people's lives can be alleviated with the help of an age-old concept - forgiveness. Based on 25 years of research and working with "Type A" personalities -people who are characterized by impatience, being quick to anger and a harboring of hostility - Thoresen had seen for himself over and over the physical and psychological benefits that forgiveness can bring. Therefore, it was five years ago that Dr. Thoresen teamed up with Dr. Luskin, the original author of a highly-structured psychological treatment program that taught adults about this element of forgiveness. Thus was born, The Stanford Forgiveness Study. Thoresen and Luskin hope the impact of their work will be preventative as well as therapeutic. "It's our hope that family and school violence, including shootings, road rage, gang violence and workplace conflict will be diminished - if not avoided - if more people understand the role that forgiveness can play in interpersonal relations," says Thoresen, "It takes courage and commitment to act in a more forgiving fashion. It's not at all a sign of weakness but a mark of strength."

Filipino journalist wins Pulitzer Prize

Another Filipino American, Jose Antonio Vargas, 27, has won the Pulitzer Prize in the breaking news category. He shares this award with other ‘Washington Post’ reporters for a package of nine stories, two of which he wrote.

Vargas was doubly glad about the award because the paper this time won six Pulitzers, the most it has won in one year.

Vargas' entries were two front page stories on the April 16, 2007 Virginia Tech massacre.

“I was lucky to get an interview with one of the eyewitnesses,” he recalled. “I found this eyewitness on facebook.com. I got him on the phone, we talked for about 25 minutes, and he was the only eyewitness we had on the story, so it was a critical part of it.”

Another story he wrote was on how the Virginia Tech students were using the Internet “to let each other know what was going on, because it was chaotic” at that time.

Vargas confessed that he was told about the good news over the phone Sunday by his editor, but was advised not to tell anybody yet at that point.

Vargas joined the Post in 2004, two days after graduating from the San Francisco State University in California.

He had interned at the paper in 2003 while still a student. He was asked to write for the Style Section at first. Then he wrote about Cristeta Comerford, the first woman and first FilAm White House executive chef.

He said he was proud he won the Pulitzer as part of the team from ‘Post’, the paper that “had toppled a president." Vargas was of course referring to the Nixon administration's downfall when two Post reporters revealed the break into the Democratic Party headquarters on Watergate which led to President Nixon's resignation.

Vargas, in true Filipino fashion, rekindled his childhood days un the care of his grandparents who raised him. He thanked his "Lola Leoning", Leonila Salinas, who raised him in Mountain View, California, together with her husband Ted, and his Uncle Roland.

Vargas who was born in Antipolo, Rizal [a Tagalog town near Manila] came to the U.S. when he was 12.

When his grandpa Ted died, his Lola Leoning was very worried about him for she wanted only the best for him.

“I love her very, very, very much,” he said with much respect about his grandma. “I wish she could understand what this means.

In keeping with Filipino family tradition, his Lola wanted him to be an accountant, an engineer or a doctor, something like that. For these were the "nobler" professions.

“Now that I’m covering the presidential campaign, and appearing on CNN and MSNBC, My lola thinks I’m a real reporter, and is quite happy about it” he added.

He also cited the principal and superintendent at Mountain View High School, “who were like second parents to me.” They helped him get a scholarship from a venture capitalist who financed his college studies.

Vargas also said that nobody wins an award all by himself, and so he credited his mentors, including Leslie Guevarra at San Francisco Chronicle, where he also worked after writing for the Mountain View Voice.

Vargas, stood behind the mural that showed photos of the team that toppled President Richard Nixon over Watergate – the legendary editor Ben Bradlee and reporters Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward. Vargas is single, and is 27 years old. Community leader Maurese Owens said, when told of the news: “Now that he has won the Pulitzer, I wonder how it’s going to be for him.”

Vargas will always have a reason for getting up in the morning, gobbling breakfast and bolting excitedly out the door.

“This has always been a passion of mine, since I started writing at 17,” he said, beaming.

Other Filipino Pulitzer winners are: Cheryl Diaz Meyer, who won in 2004 for covering the Iraqi war as an embedded photographer for the ‘Dallas Morning News’; Byron Acohido and Alex Tizon of ‘Seattle Times’ in 1997, and the Ambassador Carlos P. Romulo, who won the first Pulitzer for the Philippines in 1941.

Larry J. Cruz - Restaurateur

In order to pay tribute to the memory of Emilio Aguilar Cruz better known as "Abe", his son Larry Cruz, a journalist in his own right, approached my uncle Nick Joaquin to ask him if he could consider contributing to Abe's coming biography.

This was years after Larry's father's death. Larry knew that there was enough substance and material with which to put a publication about his father and his works. So, Larry narrates this story when he approached Nick. "One afternoon, I got a phone call from Nick and he sounded angry. in his usual loud voice, he demanded to know why I was asking him to write a piece on Abe for the collection.

'I thought you'd be pleased to contribute, Nick, ' I muttered. 'I don't want to write a chapter," he bellowed. 'I want to write the whole book myself.'

Taken aback, I said something about my not being able to afford his established and upscale fee - [well known among the Filipino literati] for a commissioned biography, nor even half of it.

"Nonsense, he growled"Now don't you start scrimping on your own father, you sonnamagan Jew!" he pressed on. "I'll do it for such a pittance you will be embarrassed to say no. '

Nick named a figure I could not believe to be true. "If you give me half of that now," he said. "I"ll finish the book right away and you can pay me the rest after I'm done."

Two years later, he was autgraphing for Larry the original completed manuscript.

As is the writing ritual of Nick Joaquin, he writes with at least a case of San Miguel Pale PIlsen beer beside him. Nick completed the book in three months - acccompanied by several cases of beer. Larry and family were a bit worried that Nick who was already over 80 at the time might not finish the book since he was, believe it or not, often taking nothing but beer the whole day - and especially in the evenings while he does the rounds of watering holes and social events around Manila.

Larry continues in his introduction to Abe's book.

"Ever since my father died, I had been thinking of publishing a book about his life and times. ...Years pass and nothing happens and then you realize time may be running out on you.

"Hurry up, said Carmen 'Chitang' G. Nakpil "before we all go." The book was launched on December 2006. It was the last biography that Nick wrote for he died on April 29, 2004.

Last Monday, February 4, Larry J. Cruz passed away in Washington, DC. He was 66 years old. Larry was in the U.S. for treatment of his cancer. At the time of his death, Larry also a journalist, was chairman and chief executive officer of the LJC Consultancy Management Inc. which managed the following restaurants - Cafe Adriatico, Cafe Havana, Bistro Remedios, Bollywood, Mojito Bay, Tandoor King, Abe, and Fely J.

Cruz began his career writing news for radio and TV, worked in Asia magazine and later other culture and arts magazines with veteran editors like Johnny Gatbonton.

He carried over this passion for print media when he became head of the Bureau of National and Foreign Information (BNFI) under then Press Secretary Francisco Tatad during the 1970s in the Marcos years.

At the helm of BNFI, Cruz published culture and arts periodicals, the coverage and depth of which remain unmatched to this day. He was also assistant press secretary in the Marcos years.

In time Cruz had the LJC Group of restaurants, opening in malls and introducing concepts that would be copied. He had just opened Fely J’s Kitchen Asian and Filipino cooking as a tribute to his mom.

Kapampangan cuisine

In 2006, Cruz opened the wildly successful Abe, serving Kapampangan cuisine, as a tribute to his father.

In 2007, he developed the four-hectare Abe’s Farm in Magalang, Pampanga, named after his father. A portion is occupied by Larry’s weekend country home, which is more like an enlarged bahay kubo.

The farm is open to groups of 10 to a hundred who need to book themselves for workshops or weddings at package rates.

Digitizing files, photos

According to longtime associate Glenna Aquino, Cruz was also digitizing all the restaurant files and photo archives for a library that a new generation of hotel and restaurant students could use and learn from.

Cruz knew not only good food; he knew the good life, and loved good knowledge he gleaned from books, magazines and his travels. A renaissance man to the end, he had taste.

When we asked him how he wanted his biography to be titled, he said, “Larry can’t cook.”

[Excerpted with reports from Cynthia D. Balana and the Philippine Inquirer Research Group]

Cristina Joaquin Claudio - In Flight Manager

Monday, July 14, 2008

9:23:53 PM EST

My daughter - the In Flight Manager

he once danced and taught ballet; an attractive young lady, she.was visited by many eligible bachelors during her teen years, sometimes I would fantasize her being married to some executive, say a banker or even an enterpreneur and she would host grand tea parties at her plush residence in, say, a not too exclusive residence in Makati.

Yes, a father's fantasy...

There have been many stories passed on through the years about these hard working individuals who have served in many airlines since air travel became a major means of travel

I must admit not many remarks, mostly by machistic men, were flattering especially from young men after some "fun." Perhaps, I was among those uninformed young men who regarded these young ladies back in the immediate postwar years, as objects of pleasure.Indeed there have been some cases when the pilot-female attendant affairs were glamorized in stories thereby portraying these hardworking women in a very ulncharitable light.

The very first time I met flight attendants was during the early fifties when the first Asian flag carrier, Philippine Airlines, asked me to help in forming their drama club at the request of Mrs. Mercedes Rovira who was then the lady manager in charge of all cabin attendants -

majority of whom were young, pretty and eager Filipino women. Many who applied for this kind of job were czrefully screened and those who got in usually came from the middle income level with a college degree and proficient in spoken English.

However due to the prevailing fedualistic values in the early post war era in the Philippines, not many women from the upper middle class joined the ones who wanted a career as flight stewardesses. Because Manila society at the time regarded the work of flight attendants as merely "waitresses in the sky". But the fact is that they were that and more.

And the screening of applicants was strict and the training was even harder, but harder still were the rules they had to adhere to before and during their employment.

Years later, with more sense in me brought on by time and experience, I was enlightened and grew to regard these attendants with more respect and praise. I personally got to know the many little annoyances and challenges each of them faced day after day flight after flight - and even when they were off duty they still had many things to attend to about their own persons and relationships.

I now share this piece written by one of them. Yes, she is close to me and my heart. She is my daughter. Cristina.

-----------------

August 20 2004 was my 20th year with Cathay Pacific Airways. Believe me, it seems like it was only yesterday. Time does fly when one is flying around the world for a living. (Excuse the pun).

When I joined the Cathay PacificAirways, a company established and based in Hongkong, in 1984 being a Flight Attendant (FA) was so much simpler. There were no fancy inflight entertainment systems to speak of apart from some music piped in to one's headset and some magazines from the racks. No real security problems existed before. We welcomed pax (passengers) on board, fed them inflight, then assisted them when they disembarked.

Twenty years a Flight Attendant's job is no longer as straightforward. FAs undergo additonal training to deal with new safety and security measures. Extra security procedures are in place especially concerning airlines because of the dangerous times. Flight attendants have to be extra vigilant about their surroundings. We have to make sure our flight is safe, no unauthorized objects should be carried by persons on board. Inflight service is no longer just about food and beverage. Entertainment must be in the cutting edge of the state of the art and individualized audio and video system. If some problems occured with the entertainment systems, FAs need to troubleshoot as best they can or the passenger will be very unhappy. Sometimes,there are unruly passengers who cause trouble inflight. The FAs need to restrain and if need be, handcuff them. Unfortunately, as the opportunity to travel has become more affordable to many, more incidents of trouble inflight have been recorded. That makes an FA's job even more challenging.

But having said all that, I have always enjoyed my career as a Flight attendant. My job has taken me to different and exciting places in the world. I have met many interesting people inflight as well as on the ground. Because of this it has enriched my experience in life and has broaden my way of thinking. Because of the many years of service, I am now holding the position of Inflight Service Manager and I continue to learn new things related to my work and life in general. I would recommend this job to anyone!

Cristina Joaquin Claudio

In Flight Manager

CATHAY PACIFIC AIRWAYS

The lifestory of Nick Joaquin

In my recent visit to Manila last month, I pursued my research on materials, commentaries, and essays about my illustrious Uncle Nick or Tito Onching as he is know at home.

The fourth in the family of nine siblings with my father Ping being the eldest, Nick has effortlessly made a name for himself - and for the country - with his works. What is amazing says fiction writer Krip Yuson is that Nick does not seem to care the way he relates with his friends. And speaking of friends they range from taxi drivers, waiters, budding writers whom he advises from time to time, and the literary world of the Philippines.

At this point, it is my privilege to report that more and more comments either on live interviews or email messages from writers of fiction in the Philippines and those from other countries are reaching me for their contributions for inclusion in the biography. Someone commented that this biography could be a significant one in the history of Philippine literature in English.

When Uncle Nick or "To-Onching" Philippine National Artist for Literature, Nick Joaquin died on April 29, 2004 Ed Joaquin, my first cousin began his role as official administrator of all by Nick Joaquin's works. One announcement Ed made was for me to be the official biographer of our uncle Nick.

So, I ask interested readers -and writers reading this blog entry - to share and send their contributions to my email address: tony.joaquin@gmail.com with a face photo and return postal address [and if possible telephone numbers of sender].

I also thank Dine Racoma for her unflinching support of this project through her own personal efforts and time and now with this guest blog entry.

Gaudeamus Antonio - a bright, unpredictable and loyal friend

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We were among the shell shocked Filipino teens that suffered through the Pacific War from 1941 - 1945. When we got back to school we felt old at 14 years but Ateneo High School was a haven for us. Still some bore the scars of war - some lost their parents who were murdered by retreating Japanese, shelled homes by the American artillery forces when they liberated Manila freeing the interns at the University of Santo Tomas and other internment camps.

I almost did not get admitted at the Ateneo for the grade school records were all burned when the building inside the Walled City, the exact place where Jose Rizal studied as a young boy was bombed during the early days of the war. Thanks to the Nakpil boys and their father Juan Nakpil who vouched for me during registration time at the Padre Faura Campus where we held our classes in makeshift burnt concrete rooms still with the acrid smell of raw human flesh clinging to crevices. The rest of the classes held session in U.S. installed Quonset Huts which were like ovens during the summer months and a cold storage in January.

Tony lived in Sampaloc with his parents. He had two sisters whom we met during our periodic high school dances held in those times at private homes of students. These dances were "visited" by Jesuit priests and some nuns just to see how the kids were enjoying themselves. Slow drag was the favorite dance in which couples held each other tightly and just sort of swayed with the slow soft music as if in a trance or meditating. We were warned about this type of dance that could provoke the occasion of "sin".

My sisters and I enjoyed Tony's sharp mind and keen wit. Ateneo boys liked to pun at the time and playing with words phrases and quotations always got many laughing with complete abandon. In other mixed groups La Salle students frowned on Ateneo students being too intellectual. They just wanted to dance, period.

After our high school graduation at Padre Faura, Tony got a scholarship for a Masters in Journalism at Marquette University, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It was THE school for good Journalists. Gaby Manalac was another Journalism scholarship awardee at this Jesuit university. After his Marquette stint Tony returned to Manila and taught at the Ateneo for a couple of years. Since we became close friends on and off campus we asked Tony to stand as god father to our fourth child Ma. Regina. If the old folks are to be believed, Gina is our brainiest child now into information technology.

In 1964 he was awarded a fellowship at Oxford University (Exeter and St. Antony's Colleges) and another at the University of Durham (Grey College). Tony enjoyed the three year scholarship to observe English Literature courses in both universities. He was commended for his distingushed tutorial paper at the end of the course. We did not see Tony for a while and when he came back he managed to publish the first anthology of Filipino fiction the landmark anthology Brown Heritage: Essays on Philippine Cultural Tradition and Literature ( AdMU, 1967), which has been reviewed as the book that “sparked the revolution in Philippine cultural studies.”

.As chairman of the English Department, Ateneo de Manila University, he organized the Ateneo Institute of Philippine Literature in 1965.

A poem by Tony

TO MIREN

Did I forget? Do I regret

Days unremembered, thoughts unkept?

A harp (once plucked to eloquence by joy)

Long untouched now lies untuned ... off-key ...

Not sure if chords ring true. Listen! In coy

Distress -- how mute. Yet singing silently.

Days are remembered, thoughts are kept

In long, long silence ... with regret.

-- Antonio P. Gella Manuud, Bowling Green, 1973